Learning from the older and wiser

So I was cruising through downtown this last week. I was with my wife, son, and Father who was in town visiting. We were heading up this hill when I spotted a homeless man with no legs in a wheel chair trying to make it up this busy road. He was about halfway up the hill, and he was stuck. He no longer had the strength to make it the rest of the way. In fact he was exerting energy trying not to roll backwards. I was stuck at a light and cars were starting to line up behind and besides me. I wanted to do something, but was trying to figure out what to do. There was no were to park, this is downtown one way street kind of traffic. I told my wife I wanted to help but I wasn't sure what to do. I was actually struggling because I can be a rule follower. I can be a rule follower to a fault. There can be a greater good that needs to be done, and I will get paralyzed because the law says you can't do this or that. My wife in her wisdom said pull up behind him and put on your hazards and you can jump out and push him up the hill. Genius. I pulled up behind him and my dad jumped out of the car and pushed him up. I was impressed at my dad's just make it happen mentality. It was a great lesson for me. It actually made me think about the book wild at heart. Following rules is fine and good, but when there is a man in need of help you risk a traffic ticket and just park illegally. You risk pissing off all the other drivers and you just handle business. I probably should read wild at heart again and combine that with the social justice gospel. Anyway, thanks dad for demonstrating a Nike "just do it" attitude. And thanks Mr. Elderidge for giving me something to reference that is about the heart of God and ballsy at the same time. Moral of the story- I want to learn to understand the greater good and be willing to break laws and rules when it is to live out the gospel.

Leadership

Sometimes being a leader is really hard. Sometimes it's great. But other times it can kind of suck. Most of you know that I am on staff at a church. Most of the time I enjoy what I do. There are other times though when it's not so fun. Times when you experience resistance from those on your team. When everybody questions you and you just wish people would follow. There are times when you feel like you are not liked, but merely tolerated. Times when you want people to be hungry and willing to change...but they are not. I am actually not a very good leader. I don't think I am poor leader, I am just aware that "leader" is not one of my primary gifts. That being said, if I was a gifted leader I probably would have a strategy for the things listed above. I would know how to get people to follow me and make them feel empowered at the same time. Sometimes though I just want to lead like Denzel Washington in "remember the titans". I want to just say, "this is how it is, take it or leave it". But I don't because that's not me. At least not yet. :) I am contemplating various leadership styles though and am contemplating being a little more direct in my style. I don't want to be a dictator, I just want to be moving my team toward something better than stagnant. Don't get me wrong, stagnant is much better than we were a couple of years ago. That just doesn't cut if for me though. After a while, I start feeling like if I am not growing and stretching, I am dying. Anyway, thanks for listening my faithful blog.

Boredom

So, I have been realizing that one of the things I am missing in my life is adventure. Maybe it's more like danger. Living for a purpose and a mission that is a little risky if you will. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am experiencing death by boredom. I have been trying to find ways to to live out the gospel, to be more generous with my finances, my energy, and time. But sometimes I still feel bored. I want passion. Excitement. The weird thing, is that I am not alone. As I am talking to friends and co-workers, I realize something is changing. A lot of people aren't satisfied with just working for money any more. People want more than just material possessions. I know some people are just fine moving to the same beat that they have always moved to. It just seems I am noticing some common trends. People no longer want to tolerate the large gaps of injustice. People are recognizing that it is not okay for one group of people to indulge while there neighbors suffer under a cycle poverty and a system of oppression. People are starting to realize that some of the things that we love so much can end up being a curse.

Not really sure what I am trying to say. I just know that I continue to want to live for a cause greater then my comfort. But I am comforted knowing that I am not alone.

-peace.

Chilling out

Good news and bad news. I have been chilling out a bit. The good news is that I have more peace. I don't feel as wound up. I feel like I can just take things one day and step at a time. I'm probably a little less obnoxious to be around. I am not looking at everybody with a sense of "what the @#$! is wrong with everybody" "Does anybody care?" So that's good. I honestly felt like I was going to explode for a little while. Everything in me was almost more than I could bear. Seriously. It was intense.

The only fear is that I know how easy it is to slip back into complacency. To just "live". Doing good stuff, but with no real purpose. With no real urgency. Does that make any sense? I want my life to be about something different. I want to go against the flow. It can get a little wearisome swimming against the flow. I want to be about more than middle class life.

I hope that God will give me the grace to be more than a dreamer. More than someone with good ideas. More than someone with good intentions.

Peace for now.

Pro Active Christianity

Jesus said things like "you are the salt of the earth". He said the violent take the kingdom by force. He said the Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed that grows into a giant tree. All of those things are active. Some of them are even invasive. They are kind of like forces to be reckoned with. If you have ever put too much salt on your expensive steak and had it ruined you know what I am talking about. It seems like most of the impact that Christianity is having on America or the western world is reactive instead of pro-active. It is defensive instead of offensive. Which is probably why in reality, it is not having much of an impact at all.

When I say offensive I don't think I am talking about the first think that pops into your mind. I don't mean offensive in the way that the world means offensive. I don't even mean offense like we typically see in the church. It's a different kind of aggression if you will.

When I speak of "offensive", I am talking about pro-active love. I am talking about crazy love. I am talking about when Jesus said "they will no you are mine by your love for one another". I am talking about sacrifice. I am talking about giving up our comforts and American ideals to help and show love to a lost and dying world. Does that make any sense? I am talking about the book of Acts. I am talking about radical obedience. I am talking about living in ways that make the world do a double take. I am talking about Christians shedding their reputation of hypocrisy, judgement, and bigotry in exchange for a reputation for doing crazy a-- things in the name of Jesus. Things that make people say "man, those guys are crazy, But they are so good. I don't get what they are all about, but they have so much peace. They are so full of life and love, but so detached from the material possessions here on this earth." I am talking about rejecting the American Dream and it's ideals and really really living for the Kingdom of God. That's what I'm talking about by Offensive..

Does that make any sense? Well if not,thanks for listening.

Why do I....

Feel so crazy at times. 

It's like I am going to explode. 

So much passion and so much angst,

but I can't really say why. 

Well I can.  

I just can't tell you why it affects me like it does.

I'd like to believe in something different. 

That something better can exist.

I'd like to think that people deep inside know something is wrong.

I'd like to think that people are tired of living for meaningless things. 

I'd like to think that people want to make a difference.  

I am not really sure what has happened to me over the last few months.  My passions have changed. I am thinking about things like trying to take in foster kids. I think about moving into a trailer park so I  can hang out with poor people. I think about moving to India to work with orphans.  I think about those things because I want to make a difference.  What am I going to do in this world that will prove that Jesus really loves? 

 What has happened to me where I feel completely jacked up throwing away food? Not because I should eat it, just because it's there, but because I should not have bought it in the first place. I feel jacked up because I could have actually used the money for something positive. I feel jacked up because it only costs 30 dollars a month to sponsor a child, and I just threw money away. Why am I trying to figure out how I can live on less money so I can give more away? 

I will tell you why.  Jesus is doing something in my heart. I can't even totally explain it.  On one hand it is so good.  I have not felt this passionate in years. I feel like I want really learn how to follow Him.  Really follow Him. On the other hand I feel torn up.  I feel torn up by the affluent society that surrounds me and the conditions of poverty that exist all through out the world.  I feel torn up because most Christians don't seem to care (though I must admit, I have not cared most of my life). I feel torn up, because I want to do more, but I have no idea where to start. I feel like the guy in Shindler's List, where at the end he breaks down and he asks how much more could he have done had he sold his gold pen.  He then looks at his other possessions and ponders with sorry how many more Jews he could have saved had he sold more stuff.  Can you feel good and tortured at the same time?  That is how I feel. 

I guess I need an outlet to figure out and process these emotions.  I think this blog is that outlet.